the charge nurse asked me to take home the computer and ipod-- she is worried they will get stolen. she's the second nurse to ask me to do so.. so i guess i will tonight.
today was a good day. Dad was awake, aware, talking moving his head arms and legs around today. when he talks it sometimes doesn't make too much sense. but, some times he does make sense and he understands and asks questions that make sense etc.  i have to say it is so nice to see him like this, making sense, awake, laughing . But -- he is much weaker than a few weeks ago.
One of the doctors overseeing him said to me today he thinks it might be a good option to take Dad to a hospice situation sooner rather than waiting until he can't leave.
I am not really quite sure what to do. i think the doctors are asking us to act and make decisions.
on one hand he may prefer to be somewhere comfortable, where all friends and family can visit as long as they choose to visit, and be around all his children. On the other hand, is he willing (and are we willing ) to be brave enough to say this could be the end? Also, have we truly exhausted everything we can do with out hurting him? If he needs aggressive treatment again, does he really want that? I asked him today if he can't breathe again, does he want them to put in the air tube again and he shook his head no. i took this with a grain of salt, wondering, is he thinking clearly? would ANY aware awake person choose to have a horrible tube shoved into their throat, even if it will save them?  

The father of my close friend in Vermont passed way just a few months ago of a brain cancer.  he chose to be at home and over a course of weeks, family and friends and special hospice nurses rotated being right there with him 24/7. after a few events happened in one evening-- they knew he was close to dying, they called each other and everyone came to the house and was there for his last moments. this was very helpful and supportive for my friend (he's 24 years old); his sister and mother and everyone was there, seeing the community connected to him, and they could console each other. i think it will be very important to Sophie and Olivia now and later in life to know and see how much we all love and care about our Dad. i think this choice may be better than dying in a hospital icu, with mostly nurses and doctors trying to aggressively bring him back. let me know how you feel about this and any other ideas very welcome.